imprompt-too:

LAST WEEK TONIGHT || sentence prompts 

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• ❛ It’s like celebrating your baseball winnings on the deck of the sinking Titanic. ❜ 
  
• ❛ I just made your jacket uncool and worthless by wearing it! ❜ 
  
• ❛ Sex education, the conversation that animals in zoos refuse to let you not have. ❜
  
• ❛ It looks like a mustache died on your face. ❜ 
  
• ❛ It’s fun putting condoms on produce. ❜ 
  
• ❛ Girls are snake charmers and it’s time to murder your snakes. ❜ 
  
• ❛ Remember, God is watching you masturbate and the fluid coming out of your genitals are actually his tears. ❜ 
  
• ❛ Why are you trying to yell the horniness out of teenagers? ❜ 
  
• ❛ Sex is like boxing. If both people didn’t fully agree to participate, one of them is committing a crime. ❜ 
  
• ❛ Bros before hoes? That belief could be a religion. ❜ 
  
• ❛ I should set up my own church to test the legal and

  financial limits of what religious entities are able to do. ❜
  

• ❛ A SEED ! An ALMIGHTY SEED. ❜ 
  
• ❛ Praise loopholes and all their bless’d loopiness. ❜
  
• ❛ We have still not broken any laws by promising you untold riches in return for sending us money. ❜    
  
• ❛ He ain’t a ratface. It’s more like a vole face. Or a parrot. Or a marginally handsome weasel. ❜
  
• ❛ When someone sends you jizz through the mail, it’s time to stop doing whatever you’re doing. ❜
  
• ❛ If you really want to insult me, you’ve got plenty to work with here. ❜
  
• ❛ If you really want to continue to trade shit-talking videos with increasingly high production elements, then consider your challenge accepted, my friend. ❜
  
• ❛ There’s not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious. ❜   
• ❛ We are faced with the same questions as a guy that woke up the day after a Vegas bachelor party, deep in the desert, naked, tied to a cactus and a dead clown. Namely, how the fuck did we get here, and what the fuck do we do now? ❜    
• ❛ He is not normal. He is abnormal. He is a human what-is-wrong-with-this-picture. He sticks out like a sore thumb and, frankly, he even looks like a sore thumb. ❜
  
• ❛ Okay, okay stop. Just stop. Because it sounds like you’re reading the to-do list on satan’s refrigerator. ❜