inkskinned:

me looking at the person i like: i am enamored even with the way your fingers move, with the way the light plays on your skin, with your freckles and your smile and your laughter, with your voice, with how you get around the things you love, with your humor, 
me aloud: what’s up asshole

imprompt-too:

LAST WEEK TONIGHT || sentence prompts 

  • ❛ It’s like celebrating your baseball winnings on the deck of the sinking Titanic. ❜ 
  • ❛ I just made your jacket uncool and worthless by wearing it! ❜ 
  • ❛ Sex education, the conversation that animals in zoos refuse to let you not have. ❜
  • ❛ It looks like a mustache died on your face. ❜ 
  • ❛ It’s fun putting condoms on produce. ❜ 
  • ❛ Girls are snake charmers and it’s time to murder your snakes. ❜ 
  • ❛ Remember, God is watching you masturbate and the fluid coming out of your genitals are actually his tears. ❜ 
  • ❛ Why are you trying to yell the horniness out of teenagers? ❜ 
  • ❛ Sex is like boxing. If both people didn’t fully agree to participate, one of them is committing a crime. ❜ 
  • ❛ Bros before hoes? That belief could be a religion. ❜ 
  • ❛ I should set up my own church to test the legal and

    financial limits of what religious entities are able to do. ❜

  • ❛ A SEED ! An ALMIGHTY SEED. ❜ 
  • ❛ Praise loopholes and all their bless’d loopiness. ❜
  • ❛ We have still not broken any laws by promising you untold riches in return for sending us money. ❜    
  • ❛ He ain’t a ratface. It’s more like a vole face. Or a parrot. Or a marginally handsome weasel. ❜
  • ❛ When someone sends you jizz through the mail, it’s time to stop doing whatever you’re doing. ❜
  • ❛ If you really want to insult me, you’ve got plenty to work with here. ❜
  • ❛ If you really want to continue to trade shit-talking videos with increasingly high production elements, then consider your challenge accepted, my friend. ❜
  • ❛ There’s not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious. ❜   
  • ❛ We are faced with the same questions as a guy that woke up the day after a Vegas bachelor party, deep in the desert, naked, tied to a cactus and a dead clown. Namely, how the fuck did we get here, and what the fuck do we do now? ❜    
  • ❛ He is not normal. He is abnormal. He is a human what-is-wrong-with-this-picture. He sticks out like a sore thumb and, frankly, he even looks like a sore thumb. ❜
  • ❛ Okay, okay stop. Just stop. Because it sounds like you’re reading the to-do list on satan’s refrigerator. ❜    

humanitysxsins:

                                             SIBLING CODE

Im allowed to pick on my sibling, but if you so much as look at them                                  wrong I will unscrew your freaking head. 

                                                fight me bitch